Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize