you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
