I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
3pm strippers are depressing
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
last night I used snow as a chaser
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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