apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize
