Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
