i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
