why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
