sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
