Got a toothbrush?
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
