She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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