You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize