In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
