I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
