really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
