I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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