I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
