I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Randomize
