If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
