Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I will be naked everywhere
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
