I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
