can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Randomize