My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
