Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
