Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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