we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I'm sobbing to NWA
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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