I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
