i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
