sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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