New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I have already put on my inside pants.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
