I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize