Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Randomize
