haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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