My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
