I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
