i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
