I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
