I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
