I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
