So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
