I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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