When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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