Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I wish you could order shots online.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
His hands were made for my vagina.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
