I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
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