I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
