Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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