Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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