There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
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