I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
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