Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
