I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Randomize
