I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
