She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Holy shit dude........stairs
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