i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
