and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Randomize
