i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
