sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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