I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
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