i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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