just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Randomize
