White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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