I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Randomize