Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Your cock deserves a montage
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize