my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
