We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Randomize
