I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
