I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
