Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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