Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Randomize
