I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
