oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
