the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
