It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
