Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Randomize
