wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
