She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
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