She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
