Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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