Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
