Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
why do cheetos always look like penises
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
