I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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